The four fouls of unhealthy relationships
Often at times we think we got this when we are in relationship, until we meet that someone and realize that need help. A healthy relationship is important and according to Gary Chapman
's book "Now you're speaking my language", you are either a Dove, a Hawk, an Owl or an Ostrich.
Knowing which one are you in these fouls is an important thing in relationship as each of these fowls have distinctive traits. The good news is that these patterns can be broken down by any couple who is ready to examine willing to make needed improvements.
The Dove - Peace at any price
Character: A peace maker. A peoples pleaser.
Too calm. How to know when you are a dove. You almost never disagree with your spouse no matter how you really feel. You rather have peace than to have an argument. You have fear to confront your spouse about issues that concern you and with all that is going on in your life, you do not wish to expend any energy in arguing to maintain emotional stability and safety. In-fact, you relinquish the possibility of intimacy.
The Hawk - "It's you fault"
Character: The faultfinder.
The Boss. The strong and aggressive person but weak emotionally. To see if are a Hawk, you will always vent out words like
"You never did anything right. I don't understand why I gave you that car", "We are late because you bath slow".
Hawk's' strong character is created when it find someone else to blame to eliminate their emotional weakness. Most of the time the hawk struggle with self esteem and it does not care what the other person is saying but their own judgement.
The Owl - "Let's Be Reasonable"
This Owl's character is calm, cool and collected and shows no emotions or feelings. This fowl tends to lecture the other spouse like a child. The fowl feels vulnerable inside, and his or her ultra-reasonableness convinces him/her of their worth and intellect. It is a compensation for feelings of inadequacy. Cold and lonely, scavenging their learnt pride but the owl will intrigue you with logic.
The owl is intelligent and thinks of himself as reasonable, prides itself as not showing emotion. The owl will let the spouse speak but will not hear anything.
The Ostrich - "Ignore It and It Will Go Away"
The Ostrich is an incredible stonewalling master. The are very good in "silent treatment".
By the outright hostility, you know that the person is angry but simply won't tell you what is wrong or even how to solve the issue. To see you are an Ostrich in your relationship, you will ignore disagreeable actions, comments and talks mostly in vain. You will create barriers to intimacy as you do not want to communicate. You will talk but the communication goes in all direction. It is hard to notice because you will not admit because they fear or arguments instead they avoid them.
All Hope Is Not Lost Though, the first step in alleviating these unhealthy patterns is to identify which ones you and your spouse tend to fall into. Decide that you want to see the pattern changed.
A periodic checkup with your spouse will be beneficial as a strategy to become better. Seek their honest feedback in ensuring that you are engaging in healthy communication patterns.
-Let Love Live